Thursday, 8 September 2011

Present Now

No, I haven’t been running to catch up with this blog; it has lain, bereft of my attention all year. Now I come to think of it, nothing startling or out of the ordinary has happened in my personal or family life – well that’s my excuse. So, apologies for absence and now I’m here I’ll think of something to wave at you.

I’ve just joined something called Postcrossing. It’s a kind of postcard pen-pal thing spreading across the world...and me, being the instant obsessive that I am, have already ordered 200 postcards online. So I’m ready to begin; I’ve always got postcards on hand, and I’ve just finished the August Postcard Poetry thingy.

The sun is shining in Scotland and blue sky is flying high above us. The only darkness on my doorstep is the fact that once I go out in it my purse will get lighter by the minute until all the bills are paid and I crawl back to lick my wounds. But, there’s home-made soup and only a few days until the next wage.

Oh woe is me. But, life is to be lived – poor or not. I’m smiling at the blue sky and thinking about what to have for breakfast, now that it’s lunch-time.

Friday, 20 May 2011

JOURNAL EXCERPTS

Just a wee catch-up:

19.4.11 Tuesday

Today, on day 4 of the diet, I refused free shortbread with my coffee and walked up 32 stairs at Queen St station instead of taking the lift! There's hope for me yet...but oh dear gods there are 2 Easter eggs in the house!!!!

15.5.11 Sunday

I feel satisfied with myself because I cleared the desk and the armchair in my room – what a good girl am I? Got Trina coming to spend the weekend next week so I suppose I should do a little more housework. There is an alarming thought in my head that I might look at an exercise video and then partake of the contortions therein BUT we don't want to do that! Do we? No, we bloody don't. But I do need to fit on that plane in two weeks so maybe if I throw myself about a bit I'll deserve a medal...or at least all the fabulous alcohol I intend consuming, carbs or not.

It's been a really chilled-out day. I sang at my iTune favourite playlist, nodding and bobbing and now that I've been fed I might get back to some more Buffy. There was writing done last night and lots of thinking done today so I'll cut me some slack and relax.

16.5.11 Monday

Me, myself and I had a party on YouTube and Facebook last night with what was left of the Tia Maria - the music was fabulous! You should've been there. Then we finished off the night with a few episodes of Buffy season 4, some of my absolute favourites – the ones with Spike tied up and the Native Americans with bows n arrows, and the engagement. We laughed my head off.

Now, I need to get up and go to work in the rain but I'll always have the memories.

16.5.11 Wednesday

I've just spent £105 in Asda! But that includes holiday clothes and bargain bras, computer speakers, hair dye and a little food. I'll have to go buy some more Tia Maria 'cause I finished it while playing on YouTube and Facebook the other night – that's where drinking alone gets you!

Saturday, 1 January 2011

RESOLUTIONS FOR 2011

Resolutions that contain a modicum of hope in being fulfilled:

1. Evict laziness from my life by actually doing the thing I think about when I think about it.

2. Step outside the flat every day at least once, even if it’s only to take out rubbish – smell real life going on.

3. Do more writing and creative activities than passive watching of the box.

4. Read the piles of books on my shelves and write reviews.

5. Settle down and finish editing (begin) the work in progress.

6. Lay the hall carpet – this year for sure!

Well, that doesn’t sound too difficult and there are very good reasons to ensure I carry them out. But, I’m already feeling the laziness attacking me from my bed and suggesting that I stay here today instead of going out; I took all the rubbish out last night and it’s too dull outside for good photography. My eyes are killing me because of the dust I disturbed while preparing for Christmas – and I’m digesting feedback from the new first chapter plus the eyes are not up to reading too much…and if I even attempt to lay that carpet the dust will get into my lungs and kill me!

There’s always tomorrow, and tomorrow and the days after.

Oh and don't forget number 7

7. Lose weight.

Friday, 31 December 2010

LAST POST OF THE YEAR

It will be 2011 in ten minutes, so I’m taking some of those minutes to sum the year up. Yes it was good for me; I wrote a whole first draft of a novel in November! That deserves some applause, and I’ve managed to make the living room look warm and lived in – so it’s more presentable now. There’s still a lot to do to this flat but I’m happy with what I’ve done so far.

Excuse me while I go pour myself an enormous glass of Tia Maria – I’ll be back…

Mmmm, that is gorgeous.

Yes, there will be resolutions to gather and carry out; Tia Maria and Cadbury’s Caramel are just the things to help me with thinking them up. There’s a dog barking – he must’ve been sent out as someone’s first foot! Quiet now, they’ve let him in; I wonder if he was sporting whisky or vodka.

Friday, 26 November 2010

PRIORITIES

It’s freezing but narry a snowflake in sight, thank God, and I’m shawled-up waiting for the cold to hit my nose before I put the heating on. Life isn’t hard – I just don’t want to waste good money on heat when I can spend it on books and tarot cards. We all have choices to make and different priorities.

Number 2 son gave me the £300 he owed me the other week and I immediately buzzed into town in an attempt to buy myself some electrical/techno gadget so it wouldn’t fall into the housekeeping budget (or, God forbid, go towards paying a bill). No siree – that’s not what free money is for.

I bought myself a little baby laptop, a 10 inch pink gorgeous thing that actually fits perfectly into a bag I’d crocheted earlier. So that’s £200 done and the shops were closing so I went home and treated myself to a Chicken Korma. It was two days later that I got the chance to go out again and, following a TV advert, I tootled along to Asda and bought: a Kodak 12 million pixel camera for 49 quid, a digital photo frame, a toaster and a jug blender. So that’s me sorted for life.

Is it really? I say that about every camera or phone or laptop I buy and yet a couple of years later there I am at it again! I feel good, that in continually forking out to Musician all year I’d saved that money so it also feels as if I’ve acquired all this stuff for nothing. I really should have bought a new washing machine seeing at the corpse in my kitchen will never do any kind of job again, but you can’t waste free money on things like washing machines. Well, I can’t. I’ll save some money in a jar, and in the meantime hand-wash and dry it on the radiators when the heating is on – and I don’t create a lot of laundry.

Meanwhile, I’m waiting for my Ebay and Amazon buys to batter their way through the Christmas post. What are they? Why, books and tarot cards of course.

Saturday, 9 October 2010

SCARY TIMES

While biting down on a lovely chocolate, I broke my crown. Yes folks, I lost my front tooth! Snap and out it came; this was during a shift so when the phone rang I had to work and talk as if I was a whole woman with a mouthful (almost) of teeth. And, it was a Friday night, and I leave for work early on a Monday and finish at six – gappy ‘til Tuesday, at least.

As it turned out, I’m still gappy. It’s been stuck back on and since fallen back off while I wait to see if my Tax Credit covers the cost of treatment, which is considerable because the lovely new dentist has diagnosed me as possibly suffering from an autoimmune condition called Sjogren’s Syndrome. In the 18 months since I’ve seen a dentist my four crowns are dead in the water and I need about five fillings, two of them root-canal. Apparently because I have dry mouth from a saliva problem the acid attacks the teeth… and this is one of the main symptoms of Sjogren’s and I’ve had the saliva thing going on for about twenty years.

So, is there anyone out there in the doctor’s office collating these symptoms? No, it seems not.

The lovely dentist said that she would pass my case on to the dental hospital’s medical department, so I await that appointment as well as the news about when they can begin my treatment and I can get new crowns before the others take off too…

Meanwhile, I called my medical centre and booked a non-urgent appointment with the only doctor I’ve seen there, and like. That took two weeks, and now I’m waiting for the results of the blood tests. Amongst other things, she is testing for Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis. Scary stuff. I feel old now, and all the aches and pains I was experiencing thinking they were just old age creeping up on me are taking on a huge aspect of early death!

But I’m okay really. Well, I’m a canny and very sensible Scot and I’ll take my medicine, take what’s coming for me and just get on with it.

So, I suppose I should really pay more attention to my health and try to lose a lot of weight. I’ve been re-writing my old diet blog because I want to keep it up to follow the madness that is me on a diet. Fatty McSlob is now a page attached to my writing blog. I’ve added pictures and hope it’s funny enough to keep a reader’s attention. I’ll catch it up to date soon.

This is my fifth day without chocolate, cake or biscuits. Pat me on the back!

Saturday, 28 August 2010

THOSE WERE THE DAYS (my friend)

I lived deep in a community when I was a child. Everyone knew who did what, when, where and gossiped it behind closed doors or into ears behind a flat hand. The tyrant grandmother had lived there from before the builders left; she knew all and everything. None of that mattered to me – my life skipped rope, threw two balls against any wall and delved into the RSD.

The RSD had been an internment camp during the war and even though it had gates, they’d been pried open long enough for grass to grow and an invitation thrown out. It was heaven. We spent whole days in there, often without lunch, and would come home filthy and starving at tea-time. The choice of adventure might lie with the froggy-pond, the Monkey-puzzle tree, the old house, the burn, the rope swing or little brick houses/kennels that we called the Zig-zags (because of the roofs). When there were no boys with us, we girls brushed them out and played house; we built armchairs with loose bricks and served up a dinner of wild strawberries or brambles on leaves.

My grandchildren and their like will never have this kind of experience. Camping with their father, and days in the big parks might echo remnants but could never leave the same impression.

People only stayed indoors when it rained. In the late 50s early 60s there was no day-time television except for a lunch-time programme and the news. On warm evenings my mother would put a pillow out on the window ledge of the front room, and watch us play a game of Rounders in the street. She spoke to every passer-by. I don’t remember anyone on our small street having a car so we had an empty road to play in and hardly ever had to move…except for the ice-cream van. Oh, the games we played in that street: Kick the Can and Olevio were different versions of Hide and Seek. One version was played in the dark with torches to root us out of the huge back gardens – spooky; they still had bomb-shelters up the middle. Sometimes the younger adults would join us and the oldies hung out of the windows.

Those were the days of long, hot summers when the tar of the roads and pavements melted and spoiled our white ankle socks. I wore Clark’s sandals and home-made cotton dresses that appeared years later in patchwork quilts. All the boys wore short trousers until they went to the big school after the eleven-plus. Dirt loved us and scabby knees were compulsory. Time stood still but it must have been moving because here I am – heading for sixty and wondering where it’s all gone.

All the paddling in burns, catching minnows and firing stones at water-rats, has made me the individual I am. We also caught bees, tadpoles, newts and frogs. I am ashamed to say that we tortured the bees in cans of water and cooked them on fires; we pulled the wings and legs off Daddy-long-legs…and my brother once deep-fried a newt in my mother’s chip pan. Of course I shopped him and he got thumped after Mum threw the whole pan out in the bin!

On Saturdays our street gang would go to the ABC Minors in Shawlands, and the big kids would look after the little ones – this was a twenty-minute bus ride away. During school holidays we’d go swimming, again in the same group, and the big kids taught us to swim. These big kids would maybe be about twelve, and there were only two of them – in charge of six or seven others at varying ages; that wouldn’t be allowed now.

Thinking of this reminds me of that movie Stand by Me where the boys go in search of a boy’s body; it’s from a Stephen King story that completely captures what it was like to be a kid in those (safe) days. Those days are long gone.

Saturday, 14 August 2010

WHAT HAVE I DONE LATELY?

Joined the gym. Honest to God, I did! Last Sunday I experienced my induction and made a pile of promises. I was supposed to take part in an exercise class on Wednesday but my grandchildren dragged me around Balloch park instead, which did the job. But, if I had written my status on Facebook on Thursday it would’ve read: Many Kit-Kats later, I remembered that healthy eating was supposed to be on the menu from this week.

I’d already warned my grandchildren that if they felt an earthquake then that would be me in the gym.

‘I never heard an earthquake, Granny,’ my granddaughter said, during our tour of the park.

‘That’s because I haven’t been back yet. Keep your ears open.’

Maybe I’ll go tomorrow. I told Carrie about it on the phone today and she said she’d text me. We’ll see. Meanwhile, two Magnum ice-lollies later, I’m thinking of popping out to the shop for chocolate.

I have been good though, on the writing side of life, and worked very hard on poems for the Scotia Poet Laureate competition at the end of the month…and there is also the Poetry Scotland event at Callander the weekend after. Looking forward to stewing myself in all that lovely poetry – well I hope it’ll be GOOD rather than lovely.

Still gripped in the arms of audio books and am presently diving into the cannon of Orson Scott Card; some of his work is brilliant, and so addictive that I just move on to the next book in the series; I’m on the last one of the Enderverse series – fantastic stories.

It’s so hard to believe that we’re racing towards the end of another year – and I still haven’t got carpet laid in the hall! Time doesn’t wait for old women – it just belts along and doesn’t care if we catch up or not.

I also cut my hair – actually made a right mess of it; it’s not as easy to cut decent chunks off long hair as it is to crop or style. It reached my bum but now that I’ve cut about eight inches off, it seems even thicker and unmanageable. Think I’ll just go the whole hog and cut it into a bob. Another we’ll see.

Saturday, 26 June 2010

There's Sense in them there Hills

Last Sunday, our Scottish summer hit the highlights and I got fried – I was sitting in the woods for God’s sake! There I was, relaxing on picnic benches in dappled shade, with flashes of direct sunshine on my arms and face. Oh I was hot stuff all right; hot for three days, with a crispy nose and forehead. My arms were so swollen that the blood supply to m hands was restricted. I thought I was dying and almost took the day off work on Monday. What a daft old bat…and after me writing that scathing poem about Glaswegians diving into sunburn whenever the sun pokes its head at us.

Look how sensible Tilly was:



This is her showing off my dream house, that wonderful arched doorway in a tree trunk!


And here we have Picnic-Mama with everything you could possibly want on a low carb, vegetatian diet! F.A.B.


Picnics in woods by a loch, where big white carbs are banned, so that meant no wine too - Ooh, the ring of bright water surrounded us with health and sensibility.

Monday, 7 June 2010

A NEW DAY

First thing I do when I open my eyes in the morning is check the time and work out what I'm supposed to be doing, then I switch on the laptop. So, how does the day escape? Is sucked into my evil clutches to be dawdled and frittered away while my mind flits across the net, forgetting that time is of the essence?

I confess – I am a time-waster. I need rules. The year has half-gone; last time looked it was spring.

Tonight is my first appointment with the health and fitness trainer. The doctor referred me in order to regain any future that might be allotted to me. There will be rules and regulations there.

I need to take a ruler and draw a margin down the side of my life, insert some kind of time-table, measure action against inaction – do the accounts before they become due because this inspector isn’t collecting tax!

Good health has followed me all the days of my life, so far, but if I don’t pay attention it might desert me for another – maybe it’ll have an affair with the woman across the road… God knows she needs it.

I confess; I have been careless and uncaring, presumptuous of time but now the borderline is racing towards me. Where are my manners? I should welcome a new world order and set the table with a freshly-embroidered cloth, and, plant a menu in the centrepiece to catch my wandering eye.

Much later…

Well, my fears were justified; two readings of high blood pressure put a stop to the proceedings until I see my doctor to discover if it’s a fluke or a problem. Am I late? Too late for a very important date? Put your scythe away Reaper, I’ll be battering down the door of the health centre in the morning. I’ll be back.

Saturday, 5 June 2010

IT'S JUNE - AT LAST!

Maria MacKee wildly sings Show me Heaven…leave me breathless, in my ear and the wind blasts me from across the loch. I marched here – honest I did, but I stopped at MacDonalds on the way for coffee and a small chicken mayo sandwich.

Someone was sitting on my bench so I had to take another further back, so the view is not so nice…except that a man has just stripped off in front of me and gone swimming. He stopped to rub Vaseline under his arms and on his inner thighs. Oh that water will be cold; the sun’s hot rays barely touch us here.



See what I mean? That is a grey outlook. Now the midges are crowding me and Springsteen is crooning Secret Garden. Mmmm. As my brave swimmer went into the water Alexandra Burke sang her Hallelujah. There is no sun, just grey clouds and a light wind – a fine day for swimming in a Scottish loch, I don’t think.

I can see his arms curving out of the water way over the other side; this is the beginning of the loch, just to the left of where the river Leven enters. My lovely iPod Touch is loving being switched to music today, as opposed to books – that helped me march. I swung my old and lazy self a quarter of a mile to get here to completely fabulous sounds…and now it’s While my Guitar Gently Weeps.



My bench became free and I flew up the steps to sit on my little promontory to face my mountain with The Sundays wonderful Static and Silence in my ears. The swimmer is trawling around the bay and sometimes across to the wooden poles (don’t know what you call them). That’s some work-out.

Oh I’ve let my hair down – can’t remember the last time I did that, probably never, not at this length. It’s too heavy for the wind to lift and just lies down my back. Bruce is belting out, These are better days. It is so fabulous to be sitting here feeling the wind and sun on my face with the loch at my feet. The water doesn’t make the sound of waves lapping at a shore; it’s more like a river running. I need to get out more.

Sunday, 18 April 2010

TRUTH & FICTION

Aye, the years are fair drawing in; I’ve been thinking about dying, and how it could come all too soon. Really, I have pondered on the fact that my family are not long-lived and I might only have a very small amount of time left to do the things I want to do. Hopefully I will be the exception and will bang on ‘til I’m a centurion. Mostly, I want to see my grandchildren grow up but the fact is, that the longer I live the more likely it’ll be that I’ll lose a child and I definitely don’t want that.

So, to be that selfish I will have to be tough enough to keep going through the loss of my friends and writing buddies, and whatever the barmy politicians drag us into – the way they’re going the western world could be wiped out this decade!

Someone recently asked, why do you write? I said I wanted to entertain my future progeny with true stories, and strangers with my fiction and poetry. It’s so easy, these days, to communicate and spread our personal history; we can tell the stories that would have died with us.

When I was a child I loved to sit and listen to the adults talking, gossiping and telling tales of old childhoods; my children had only a little time to spend on that because technology was interfering; my grandchildren won’t have a minute to allow old tales to sink into their memory. I hope there will be at least one amongst those future grandchildren, however great, who will be a reader and perhaps a writer, but interested in what has gone before.

I have experienced a lot in my life, and the horror is hysterical in its own way – I will make it attractive and someone will read it, I’m sure. But, I’m having fun learning how to show them how it was for me…of course, I’ll fictionalise the sexy bits so they won’t know what’s true to me or someone else. Ordinary life will be straight and true.