Farewell; I may be gone for some time

Sailing into the new year and working extra shifts, grumbling all the way, but I suppose the money will help cover some expenses and get me on a level path again...not that I've gone off the path or fallen down the pipe. Things are cool in my world, though I have taken out a teeny wee loan with my credit union to treat myself to a new phone. Number 1 son got the old one yesterday so now I am phoneless, and have to go out into the world on Monday to work and be incommunicado for a change. The lovely new phone could arrive by the 31st so let's all pray I have a new gadget to play with on Hogmanay.

Now that xmas is over my next project is to put up new art in my hall. I took down all the postcards from my mad world hobby the other year but have chosen some to keep and find a new nook for them - maybe behind the kitchen door. So now I will have to sort out the printers - they only need ink and to be reunited with the laptops. I've been buying photo paper because I've got some fabulous doodled pics I want on my walls...captured a couple of pieces from Lesley too, and, demanded something creative from the boy Spencer.

As I clear and clean these neglected corners of my life and home I should be able to slip myself, my legs, into the hole in my desk - actually there are two desks in my room, and they are almost tidy, nearly ready to be put to work. I don't want to make empty promises again at this time of the year; it's time to do without quibble, to finish what's been started. In the last week I have found snug homes for lots of the jewellery-making supplies so the place is looking much more business-like and less like a mad poet's place - maybe that's because I'm on a prose-spree.

Next year I plan to read more paper books, prowl through what's on my Kindle, and write some reviews. I think that should be my only resolution...there's no point me saying I will try to be healthier, to lose weight, to go out more, I will just have to hope all these things happen accidentally, as by-products of my other obsessions.

TAROT TALES

Speed does not exist this month - time is full of essence and I am smelling all the roses, feeling languid, rested but itching to get up and go full pelt for December. I've got all the makings for most of my Xmas presents and am now clearing the desks (again) to begin with all the creativity...or I was. The other day I had a great idea to write a collection of stories around a tarot reading, but one set of cards wasn't enough for this project - I used 8 packs of cards, pulling out the reading from each one and laying them down in a grid so I could snap a picture for future reference. So, that has captured me for the last few days...I even taught myself a few new moves on Scrivener.

It's only been four days but I think the marriage of Tarot Tales and charm bracelets will do well.

The first story is inspired by the cards in the top row - they are all 8 of pentacles but the difference in the images is incredible from a writing/creating point of view. I've got 8 lines of description or character or place, and 8 names to choose from. Each card in the original reading sits on a position, which gives me a base-line for the story and characters...and the whole story of the reading is yet another level in the tales. It has turned out to be a fantastic exercise, so I'm hoping that the good first drafts of all of them might be ready to rest over the holiday season.

A VISIT TO THE SOUTH SIDE

We are all terminal but Linda is the only one I know who has a measurement in weeks or months – nobody is able to give her anything more definite than that, and she seems to feel strong, apart from the pain, so all the signals are mixed. When we left she looked pale and tired but happy to be part of pretty good crack between me, her two cousins, and Angela; the laughter spilled all over our table in the massively packed, busy restaurant on the first floor of the brand new billion pound hospital wing.

And now I've just finished eating flame-grilled cow with cheese in Burger King, waiting for my movie to begin; I can't pass up a trip to the city and not catch a film, get my money's worth from my yearly ticket; £16.40 a month, and the cinema is way out of my way...and I'm such a lazy bitch I can't get myself out of the flat on my days off. The year is up at the beginning of December and I won't be renewing it – I'll be rich!

Money will have to be spent in The Works; I can almost see it, along the road from where I'm sitting. Acrylic paints have been bought from Lidl's, and new brushes...I'll be creating a lot of my Xmas presents; Tibetan silver pendants and beads, and finger and hand puppets are winging their way towards me from all over the world. I love Ebay...and am itching to get crafting and arting.

Last night I was listening to a bit of Isabelle Allende's biography and it made me think of returning to mine. Linda's news enforces that, and again I find myself thinking that I must tidy up the pile, leave proper files and instructions behind when I saunter off this pitch. But now I want to wander a few yards of Sauchiehall Street in the late summer sun before the rain returns, and before the shop shuts.

LUCINDA

Oh, my eardrums echo with her white noise;
she's a ghost of herself, carving her desk
into a monument of waiting. Long
weeks hoot like quiet owls. Cancer doesn't
whisper: it growls deep in her bowels.
Surgeons cut and thrust the necessary,
bagging her like a take-away...and we
are left to wander. Memories, pale nights,
and three of us discussing possible
properties of money-oil – and how to
cast a spell to decimate financial
dyspepsia. Her laugh, like a cartoon
dog, wheezing in, and out of damaged lungs
reminds us to howl at the bloody moon.

THE CHANGE OVER

My new Tivo box was delivered from Virgin in January - it's all still in the bloody box! The very idea of interrupting my wireless is anathema to me, but now I suppose it's time to get it done so that's what is planned for tomorrow. It looks simple. Ha. I've skimmed all the booklets...and how exciting does all the choices make life? Ah but, I don't watch telly...not the ordinary kind, but looking at the promised entertainment maybe I'll find something to attract my attention. All I want is access to my Netflix account on my lovely big telly - why else would I need to sit on my sofa when I have a very comfortable bed with a big telly at the bottom of it and an HDMI cable?

I may well be back on here tomorrow night ranting and raving if things don't go my way - and then again, if I can't get online then I won't. They told me that my set-up was ancient and slow, and they wanted me to have the best of the super-highway...and they're right; when the grandkids are here wireless is always going off because of the strain. So, wish me luck and intelligence tomorrow.

A MUST-READ BOOK

On opening Catherine Czerkawska's historical novel, The Physic Garden, I know immediately that I will have to plan ahead and read it chapter by chapter because it is so beautifully written, with each chapter encapsulating a thought, a question, a time. You want to stop and think, relish what you've just read – also, life has to revolve around work and shopping and cooking/consuming meals...there will be no housework done until I have finished this book.

Half-way through and I am still captivated by the interesting detail, the characters and the hook – I want to know; what happened? I'm a city girl and really interested in how the writer has stuffed every crack in the floors with knowledge...things I want to know but have been too lazy to find out for myself, so far. When I'm reading I'm immediately immersed in these characters' lives, and it's so annoying when real life interferes and I have to stop.

Oooh, there's a fabulously disgusting passage 85% of the way through, describing some of the poorest places in Glasgow:

'...I found myself peering into rooms that never saw the light of day, stinking bug-ridden rooms and passages...in a drab and deadly succession, all leprous with damp, I thought that I had found myself in some hellish labyrinth, an underground warren where only troglodytes might live.'

...and, several hours later, I have finished reading a wonderful tale. I don't need to tell you what it's about – you can read that on the book blurb. This is not a genre story; anyone, with particular likes and dislikes would love it. It is set in the historical past but is fiction, and such an imagination has conjured up a place and a time that will leave you spellbound.

A FANTASY LIFE

I'm reading, mostly with my eyes shut – I do love audio books. So far this year I've gone back and listened again to Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, The Dresden Files, The Walking Dead, and am now on the fourth book in The Game of Thrones. It's hard to explain why I keep returning to all these, but it's probably because there are so many characters and stories to love...I must be a saga-gal! I easily fall upon series, including TV versions, and often re-read True Blood and watch the dramas re-envisioned where killed-off characters live again. I love the differences.

My reading taste changed because I wanted to write fantasy so began reading lots of it...and then I found audio versions of Asimov's Foundation series, Orson Scott Card's Ender's Game and Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth and oh the feeling when the right voice reads life into those characters is beyond fascination...it's a drug, and I became addicted so now am obsessed with listening to books, so much so that I hardly ever switch on the TV. It goes on for me to watch one thing and off again. I can't watch normal programmes, only drama. I don't live in the real world.

It doesn't matter that I'm not in the real world and I'll be gone from it soon enough I suppose, so why should I spend my last years trying to interpret the reported news and politics? I enjoy every minute I spend alone in my cave; I love the flashes of time with my many grandchildren; and I refuse to become a Moaning Minnie like the old woman I meet on a Monday morning at the bus stop on my way into work – if that's how the world bends us then I'm opting out. I can easily deal with the tension created on pages of text because I can turn the page to find out who did what when and where and to whom...and more than likely the why of it too...and yes, I believe in fairies.

Have I written my fantasy yet? No. Gestation is a bitch, but something is creeping out now and after years of working with Tarot cards I'm splashing some of it all over my pages. So there's a short story almost finished that will appear in an anthology, and some kind of magic has appeared in poems, some of which have been published. I started working on world-building a few years ago so that is always in the back of my mind when creating characters..and there are more than a few novels lazing around waiting for my attention. I'm drowning in fantasy...see the bubbles coming up?

THE RETURN

I am thinking, of a revival, of the road ahead so I must bring this old head to bear on blogging again, turning my mornings into pages and communicating with the world. At present, I know nothing about what goes on outside of my hermitty circle/cycle/phase...is it a phase? Shall I really enter the wide world again? I won't be reading its newspapers or watching its crap TV - who needs that when you can live in fantasy with Netflix and listen to someone reading books to you on Audible?

Apparently I haven't set foot here in four years - eek! I often see Time flying around, and let me tell you, that butterfly can change its spots all right. I am officially old now - hit the number 60 last year, and as I'm Scottish, have a lovely wee free bus pass - but I'm still too young for the pension. Writing-wise, there's a lot of it going on and I have three Kindle projects slowly building: Poetic Forms, Reading Tarot, and Writing Prompts - so I'd better shore up the platform, hadn't I? I will need some fencing-in, a shepherd to pen me into a small timetable, then maybe, just maybe, I'll perform nicely, like a good writer.

Present Now

No, I haven’t been running to catch up with this blog; it has lain, bereft of my attention all year. Now I come to think of it, nothing startling or out of the ordinary has happened in my personal or family life – well that’s my excuse. So, apologies for absence and now I’m here I’ll think of something to wave at you.

I’ve just joined something called Postcrossing. It’s a kind of postcard pen-pal thing spreading across the world...and me, being the instant obsessive that I am, have already ordered 200 postcards online. So I’m ready to begin; I’ve always got postcards on hand, and I’ve just finished the August Postcard Poetry thingy.

The sun is shining in Scotland and blue sky is flying high above us. The only darkness on my doorstep is the fact that once I go out in it my purse will get lighter by the minute until all the bills are paid and I crawl back to lick my wounds. But, there’s home-made soup and only a few days until the next wage.

Oh woe is me. But, life is to be lived – poor or not. I’m smiling at the blue sky and thinking about what to have for breakfast, now that it’s lunch-time.

JOURNAL EXCERPTS

Just a wee catch-up:

19.4.11 Tuesday

Today, on day 4 of the diet, I refused free shortbread with my coffee and walked up 32 stairs at Queen St station instead of taking the lift! There's hope for me yet...but oh dear gods there are 2 Easter eggs in the house!!!!

15.5.11 Sunday

I feel satisfied with myself because I cleared the desk and the armchair in my room – what a good girl am I? Got Trina coming to spend the weekend next week so I suppose I should do a little more housework. There is an alarming thought in my head that I might look at an exercise video and then partake of the contortions therein BUT we don't want to do that! Do we? No, we bloody don't. But I do need to fit on that plane in two weeks so maybe if I throw myself about a bit I'll deserve a medal...or at least all the fabulous alcohol I intend consuming, carbs or not.

It's been a really chilled-out day. I sang at my iTune favourite playlist, nodding and bobbing and now that I've been fed I might get back to some more Buffy. There was writing done last night and lots of thinking done today so I'll cut me some slack and relax.

16.5.11 Monday

Me, myself and I had a party on YouTube and Facebook last night with what was left of the Tia Maria - the music was fabulous! You should've been there. Then we finished off the night with a few episodes of Buffy season 4, some of my absolute favourites – the ones with Spike tied up and the Native Americans with bows n arrows, and the engagement. We laughed my head off.

Now, I need to get up and go to work in the rain but I'll always have the memories.

16.5.11 Wednesday

I've just spent £105 in Asda! But that includes holiday clothes and bargain bras, computer speakers, hair dye and a little food. I'll have to go buy some more Tia Maria 'cause I finished it while playing on YouTube and Facebook the other night – that's where drinking alone gets you!

RESOLUTIONS FOR 2011

Resolutions that contain a modicum of hope in being fulfilled:

1. Evict laziness from my life by actually doing the thing I think about when I think about it.

2. Step outside the flat every day at least once, even if it’s only to take out rubbish – smell real life going on.

3. Do more writing and creative activities than passive watching of the box.

4. Read the piles of books on my shelves and write reviews.

5. Settle down and finish editing (begin) the work in progress.

6. Lay the hall carpet – this year for sure!

Well, that doesn’t sound too difficult and there are very good reasons to ensure I carry them out. But, I’m already feeling the laziness attacking me from my bed and suggesting that I stay here today instead of going out; I took all the rubbish out last night and it’s too dull outside for good photography. My eyes are killing me because of the dust I disturbed while preparing for Christmas – and I’m digesting feedback from the new first chapter plus the eyes are not up to reading too much…and if I even attempt to lay that carpet the dust will get into my lungs and kill me!

There’s always tomorrow, and tomorrow and the days after.

Oh and don't forget number 7

7. Lose weight.

LAST POST OF THE YEAR

It will be 2011 in ten minutes, so I’m taking some of those minutes to sum the year up. Yes it was good for me; I wrote a whole first draft of a novel in November! That deserves some applause, and I’ve managed to make the living room look warm and lived in – so it’s more presentable now. There’s still a lot to do to this flat but I’m happy with what I’ve done so far.

Excuse me while I go pour myself an enormous glass of Tia Maria – I’ll be back…

Mmmm, that is gorgeous.

Yes, there will be resolutions to gather and carry out; Tia Maria and Cadbury’s Caramel are just the things to help me with thinking them up. There’s a dog barking – he must’ve been sent out as someone’s first foot! Quiet now, they’ve let him in; I wonder if he was sporting whisky or vodka.

PRIORITIES

It’s freezing but narry a snowflake in sight, thank God, and I’m shawled-up waiting for the cold to hit my nose before I put the heating on. Life isn’t hard – I just don’t want to waste good money on heat when I can spend it on books and tarot cards. We all have choices to make and different priorities.

Number 2 son gave me the £300 he owed me the other week and I immediately buzzed into town in an attempt to buy myself some electrical/techno gadget so it wouldn’t fall into the housekeeping budget (or, God forbid, go towards paying a bill). No siree – that’s not what free money is for.

I bought myself a little baby laptop, a 10 inch pink gorgeous thing that actually fits perfectly into a bag I’d crocheted earlier. So that’s £200 done and the shops were closing so I went home and treated myself to a Chicken Korma. It was two days later that I got the chance to go out again and, following a TV advert, I tootled along to Asda and bought: a Kodak 12 million pixel camera for 49 quid, a digital photo frame, a toaster and a jug blender. So that’s me sorted for life.

Is it really? I say that about every camera or phone or laptop I buy and yet a couple of years later there I am at it again! I feel good, that in continually forking out to Musician all year I’d saved that money so it also feels as if I’ve acquired all this stuff for nothing. I really should have bought a new washing machine seeing at the corpse in my kitchen will never do any kind of job again, but you can’t waste free money on things like washing machines. Well, I can’t. I’ll save some money in a jar, and in the meantime hand-wash and dry it on the radiators when the heating is on – and I don’t create a lot of laundry.

Meanwhile, I’m waiting for my Ebay and Amazon buys to batter their way through the Christmas post. What are they? Why, books and tarot cards of course.