PORTENT

Oh my God. I’ve just begun the first day of the new decade with an iron in my hand! I haven’t touched an iron in years. What does this mean?

Well, it started because I made myself a new bag, that had to be pressed flat, so while I was doing that I thought I’d iron a shirt that I can’t wear because I won’t (normally) iron. One little detail and my life has slipped down some kind of housewifey tangent; I’ll have to do something more normal to reset the balance. I had a Scotch egg for breakfast – could that be considered too straight because of the ingredients? And now I’m on to the ginger beer.

In two hours I will be sipping sherry, preparing to scoff an enormous meal at my friend’s enormous dinner table in her enormous dining room, then on to wine which inevitably leads to a change of rooms and the whisky – Ooh the whisky. So I’d better go find something suitable to wear for this gathering and dig out an entertaining poem to read.

 

APOLOGIES FOR BEING BONKERS

Yesterday’s post was cheating; it was half a lie, in that it was all internal – yes, I was talking to myself. My son never heard those words that were screaming in my head that still lurk somewhere seething to get out. I am a calm and lovely mother in my old age, though have to confess to being very un-perfect in days gone by. Looking back on it now I would wish to have been different – a better mother, who put her children first instead of herself. My children deserved more of my attention.

 

So, if they’re not perfect now, I know that it could’ve been different. …but I don’t want to do that; blame myself. No, I blame their useless father, or single parenthood or the government or God.

 

How do you get past all this trudging down memory lane with an axe in your hand, trying to change paths and directions? I can’t; what’s done is done and we all just have to live with what we have at any given moment.

 

I’ve suddenly turned maudlin. How did that happen? Maybe I’m listening for heavy footsteps coming behind me – COME IN NUMBER 4 YOUR TIME IS UP! I think I sense a change in the air, and there has been movement in the extended family. My niece has just had her first baby; she was born with a condition called Septo Optic Dysplasia – she will definitely have problems with her sight, perhaps blind.

 

I told my sister-in-law that I’d been expecting something like this; we’ve had all these beautiful children over the years, and not one of them having any health problems or disabilities. Reality does come a-knocking, eventually.

 

Maybe my mood has swung over in this direction because I’m on holiday and have spent a lot more time on my own, or perhaps I’m just as bonkers as I ever was. Time will tell.

MEETING UP WITH ORACLE

I had lunch with Oracle today – well it was really a kind of early supper. We love to sit in Peckham’s and graze a cheese board once a month, with an assortment of drinks; latte, Earl Grey, water, pear cider, coke. Fabulous way to sift through a very late afternoon, though now the clocks have changed, it was dark when we left.

 ‘Ooh, I’m out in the city in the dark!’ I said.

 

He had a new toy, which he showed off; we poured over this beautifully flat and smooth iPod Touch. Oh I just love it. At the moment I carry around five or six books in my work bag; with this wonderful little thing I wouldn’t need any at all – it has access to hundreds of books you can download and either read off its big screen or listen to. Wow! is all I can say. Actually that’s not right, because what I said was…

 

 ‘Hello lovely daughter (in a text message), Mummy wants an iPod Touch from Santa asap. Please.’ I know she’s getting her first big wage this week, because of the promotion, so I’m getting an early Christmas present. Now that is wonderful!

 

All these free aps, including newspapers, notebook, astrology, iChing, Google Earth and loads more. It catches free wifi and just clicks onto it, so you can send emails, blog, do Facebook and Bebo etc. what really attracts me is the books and writing; I should be able to upload some of my work and edit it; or I can write as much as I like and it’s already typed in, isn’t it? I do love my notebooks but I hate having to type it up, so don’t tend to write a lot in them – just notes really, or little pieces of inspiration.

 

So, a stimulating day was had and I sat musing on it and the iPod Touch during the 40 minute train journey; thinking of all the things I could have done to entertain myself with the lovely contraption.